Sex, culture and some thoughts

Nandini, my friend from Hungary, ordered me to write about the latest developments on Moral Policing in Chennai.

Those non-Tamils or those who came in late will need a brief background. Recently, two separate incidents became a major talk of the town in whole of Tamil Nadu and to some extent South India. First: in an interview, Kushboo, a leading actress of the ninetees mentioned that pre-marital sex is quite prevalent and a sensible man shouldn't expect his wife to be a virgin. Second: the discotheque of a leading five-star hotel was raided by the cops. Surprisingly the local media barged in with them and took pictures of the partying crowd. The next morning, the local dailes flashed with big, color pictures of women drinking and dancing in the disco. Subsequently, the bar and the disco in the hotel was closed. Now the issue is in the court.

These two separate events erupted a huge controversy and made the public agitated. Some wanted Kushboo to apologize. Some wanted her jailed and worse some wanted her extradited. Both incidents were seen as a threat to Tamil Culture and increasing assualt on the pious youth who should otherwise be focusing on their studies or the job.

Actress Kushboo

Before I begin to analyse these events and their fallout, I have to record my views on these. About Kushboo's statement, I strongly agree with her and it's about time someone told our men this. In my opinion, pre-marital sex should not only be considered 'normal', it should even be encouraged among our youth. In India, most men marry for sex and most women marry because their parents want them to. Until then, men remain sex starved and women remain frustrated. An active and healthy pre-marital sex will douse the fire in both and they can actually focus on more productive things such as their studies or career or work. This will also stop people from treating puppy-love or infatuation as true love. If not all these, this will at least stop our film-makers from cashing in on the frustration by sick, b-grade movies that almost border on porn.

About the second incident, I consider that instead of suing the hotel, the police should have sued the papers for infringing on others privacy. But I also read another report that the hotel was running the discotheque without a legal permit. If that's the case, it should be enquired and that justifies the raid. It still doesn't justify the media barging in!

Now why do we go berserk at these developments? Why should people scream at Kushboo's statements? Who are these people who claimed to be protecting the Tamil Culture? As usual, I have a problem with the word 'culture'. What do they mean by culture? Which period of our lives can they call as 'pure Tamil culture'? We certainly cannot talk about the last two thousand years because we had the influence of sanscrit, muslim invasion, buddhism, jainism and of course famously the British cultures. So going back 3000 years, in the Sangam literature, the Aga Nanuru is full of references of out-of-marriage sex. The protesters may certainly not have read these ancient verses to understand what the real culture consisted of.

Dalit Panthers protesting Kushboo

Tamil culture or even Indian culture, has always been influenced by foreign cultures and new lifestyles. Islam was a foreign idea and India imbibed immensely from it. Buddism was a radically new idea from which too, India gained. It's practically impossible to eliminate all this and trace the 'true and original' Indian culture. Even if we do, it would be so ancient that we cannot implement it in today's society.

So why all this hue and cry? I reckon it stems from three things, insecurity, envy and lack of imagination.

Insecurity, perhaps because we are scared of losing something we think precious. When you don't have money, you think pride is most important. Often this pride is misplaced and miscued. That's why we see the poorest are often the most conservative. Poor Indian women don't wear jeans. Many rich ones wear spaghetti straps.

Envy, also stems from the anger of 'have nots' with the haves. I'm poor and helpless and angry. You're moneyed, happy and contended. You drive the best sedan, wear the coolest dress, sport the swankiest hairdo and date the best looking woman. I ride a rusted bicycle, wear a 60 rupee shirt I picked from T.Nagar platform vendors, and my wife is fat and dark and ugly looking. We obviously look at each other with contempt. And when I get a chance to pound on you, I do it with my best energy.

Lack of imagination has been the weakness of post-independence leaders and general public. How do you eradicate poverty? Nobody has an answer. How do you improve literacy? Mum's the word. India is a complex country with difficult problems. Addressing them requires a great amount of imagination. Our leaders lack that. Our solutions to problems have been based on curbing and not debating. If a film or a book is offensive, it should be banned. If bar dance induces cheap behavioral tendencies, it should be banned. Cigarette is bad, it should not be advertised. Interestingly even decades after the rest of the world have come to understand that prohibition is the stupidest thing, Indian politicians still talk about it and just because Gandhi opposed to drinking, Gujarat still prohibits its citizens from drinking. Considering this, I think the currrent controversy has opened a can of debates across the towns where people actually talk about it. Soon the clarity shall emerge.

Until then, the only responsibility we have is to get imaginative our problems and hope that our leaders too do the same.